I WANT ONE

You can spend your allowance on this small piece of genius here:

http://www.bustedtees.com/shirt/stewartcolbert/male


Another good way to waste it:

Sonic Youth, unlike Paris Hilton and school pictures, only get cooler as time goes on. Seriously, mofos are like 50 and still making records that make any hipster band du jour look anemic.

Invest:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000FII31U/sr=8-1/qid=1148676948/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-8915273-6721755?%5Fencoding=UTF8

Hey hey hey

Guess who just got Radiohead tickets for Madison Square Garden on June 14! That's my last day of school. If you believe in karma, then don't be suprised when you read the obits sometime soon and learn how a girl not-so-tragically died from a papercut or was killed by a new breed of mutant squirrels or something.

Just saying.

Speaking of shit you don't care about, you should totally check out these songs:

Elkland - Apart - The latest group of faux-Brits to one-up the Killers in the synth boy band game. This song's like pop rocks: it's euphoria for a second or two, but not exactly a meal replacement or anything. I've heard some of their other songs and they are truly incubators for suicide, so enjoy this flash in the pan for what it is: a cute little head bouncer that's just downed a few pixie sticks.

Lee Hazelwood and Nancy Sinatra - Some Velvet Morning - This song floats in and out of suave crooning to tinkling sunshine-lollipops-and-rainbows whispering. The contrast is hopelessly weird and circus-y. Adding to the kitsch are the cheesy/cool lyrics : "flowers are the things we know/ secrets are the things we grow"

Primal Scream and Kate Moss - Some Velvet Morning - Okay, say the Lee Hazelwood version of this song had a kid. Then say the fabulously wealthy young thing moved to New York to go to art school and pretend to be poor, all while wearing lots of eyeliner and black nail polish to give his derelicte vibe that much more cred. This would totally be his theme song.

Free Diamonds - Blind Boys - This is an airtight Strokes-y pop song, made perfectly wobbly by the fact that the singer, should he ever audition for American Idol, would be told to kill himself immediately by Simon. Even Paula would cry a little and say "Alright, now you're just fucking with me." That's the cool thing about some indie music. Having no talent can sometimes work in your favor.

And everything on the Ellen Allien/Apparat cd Orchestra of Bubbles. So hot right now.

"Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term."

Who invited Stephen Colbert to the White House Correspondents Dinner? Don't they have some kind of snipers that kill anyone remotely funny within a ten mile radius of the Whitehouse?

They even let him make a speech. Which is quite possibly the most punk rock thing I've read . I've heard about a few things some whiners have said about how the jokes were recycled and how there were only a handful of truly laugh-until-you-pee moments. To them I say: Sweet Jesus Christ on ice skates, who cares! There's not really a large pool of people cracking jokes about the president to his face at the White House to pick from, y'know?

You can read the transcript of the whole thing here, or, for the more fidgety, here's a sampling of the truthiness:

"Wow. Wow, what an honor. The White House correspondents' dinner. To actually sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper -- that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Dammit. The one guy who could have helped.
...

Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone." Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.

...

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter. Most of all, I believe in this president.

...

So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't.

...

But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

...

John McCain is here. John McCain, John McCain, what a maverick! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork. This guy could have used a spoon! There's no predicting him.

...

Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven't heard from the Reverend in a little while. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants, at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is."