Mom told you what to pack! Toilet paper and water.

Home Alone is, with question, the best Christmas movie ever made.

The really tragic thing is that Home Alone hasn't aged well over the years. Macaulay Culkin had to go and fuck up the integrity of the film (and it's equally groundbreaking sequel) by separating himself from his parents, getting busted for drugs, and for getting older. Also, the idiots at Touchstone had to mess things up even further when they decided to strike when the iron was freezing cold and moldy and make the impossibly shitty Home Alone 3. Then 4. Fucktards.

Home Alone is also great because it could never be made today. Eight year old Kevin Mccallister is hated and constantly put down by his enourmous family. These assholes hate him so much that they make him sleep on the hide-a-bed with the infamously bladder controll challenged Fuller. His older broter Buzz says he wouldn't let Kevin sleep in his room if he was growing on his ass. Little kids are so pampered now, this movie is an almost cruel slap in the face to remind them what the 90's were like. There was no cheese pizza left for the weak.

So, Kevin eventually gets left alone as the title might suggest, and does pretty well for himeslf. He goes grocery shopping, washes all of his bodily crevices, and even sucessfully defends himself against the infamous Old Man Marley, who kills little kids and puts them into salt that he pretends to use on the sidewalks. The salt turns the bodies into mummies. Mummies. Kevin even scares away Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern with nail guns, paint cans, and matchbox cars.

The whole time, Kevin's idiot mother is trying her best to get home to him. Like now she cares about him, after she treated him like shit and forgot to bring him on vacation. Bitch.

The movie shows the vacuousness of what were once integral family relationships, yes, but it is also an homage to the power of Christmas against shitty parents and criminals (is there a difference?) The message this movie champions in the end is "Who the fuck needs parents? Families are only good for grief." No movie would ever be so bold tolday. Studios just keep turning out more Spy Kids and Harry Potter sequels. We can only nostalgically salute the auteurs for their fierceness.