Bloc Party - Silent Alarm

After a bunch of flustering and head pounding, I think my favorite release of 2005 is, diasappointingly, Bloc Party's Silent Alarm. This record is typical, earnest, and on the surface, nothing new. An angsty 80's based guitar album from a bunch of fake vintage wearing Brits. Although one had dreads, I'll give them that. Honestly though, there was no other album that i listened to so much this year from start to finish.

There were a bunch of other really really great songs I drooled buckets over this year. A ton off Patrick Wolf's Wind in the Wires (Tristan, The Libertine) and Ellen Allien's supersonic Thrills (Your Body My Body, Brain is Lost). She also wins the award for coolest cover art.

I also loved Soulwax's remix album Nite Versions. Terrible name, but listen to Miserable Girl. Or Another Excuse.

I also liked the adorable Art Brut album Bang Bang Rock and Roll. Best line: "I hope this song finds you fame/I want school kids on buses singing your name". There was a whole crop of great debut albums this year. The Duke Spirit, M.I.A (does she count?), Wolf Parade, and my favorite, The Editors. Look at them! Too busy brooding to show their palid tortured faces to full sunlight! Knocking off Interpol must be draining.

Bloc Party wins by default though. Silent Alarm is unmistakably melodramatic, trendy, and teenage, sure, but fuck, it's gorgeous too. It's like lithium. What's another word for atmospheric? This album definately is almost... foggy. Beautiful in the way it is when it's pouring rain outside. Or maybe that's a more acurate desciption of the cover art than the album.

I'm not expecting anything stellar from them in the future, though. If they were really smart, Bloc Party would cash in and quit now. It does not get any better than Like Eating Glass, or, my favorite, Blue Light. My guess is that if they keep going, they're develop a (even more severe) case of megalomania and end up a big steaming Coldplay-esque mess. They're off to a running start. The band's website offers SEVEN different wallpapers of the band to download. Geez guys.

It could go the other way though. Look at Radiohead. Did anyone expect the band responsible for Pablo Honey and The Bends to birth Kid A?

Or more importantly, does anyone give a fuck?

Mom told you what to pack! Toilet paper and water.

Home Alone is, with question, the best Christmas movie ever made.

The really tragic thing is that Home Alone hasn't aged well over the years. Macaulay Culkin had to go and fuck up the integrity of the film (and it's equally groundbreaking sequel) by separating himself from his parents, getting busted for drugs, and for getting older. Also, the idiots at Touchstone had to mess things up even further when they decided to strike when the iron was freezing cold and moldy and make the impossibly shitty Home Alone 3. Then 4. Fucktards.

Home Alone is also great because it could never be made today. Eight year old Kevin Mccallister is hated and constantly put down by his enourmous family. These assholes hate him so much that they make him sleep on the hide-a-bed with the infamously bladder controll challenged Fuller. His older broter Buzz says he wouldn't let Kevin sleep in his room if he was growing on his ass. Little kids are so pampered now, this movie is an almost cruel slap in the face to remind them what the 90's were like. There was no cheese pizza left for the weak.

So, Kevin eventually gets left alone as the title might suggest, and does pretty well for himeslf. He goes grocery shopping, washes all of his bodily crevices, and even sucessfully defends himself against the infamous Old Man Marley, who kills little kids and puts them into salt that he pretends to use on the sidewalks. The salt turns the bodies into mummies. Mummies. Kevin even scares away Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern with nail guns, paint cans, and matchbox cars.

The whole time, Kevin's idiot mother is trying her best to get home to him. Like now she cares about him, after she treated him like shit and forgot to bring him on vacation. Bitch.

The movie shows the vacuousness of what were once integral family relationships, yes, but it is also an homage to the power of Christmas against shitty parents and criminals (is there a difference?) The message this movie champions in the end is "Who the fuck needs parents? Families are only good for grief." No movie would ever be so bold tolday. Studios just keep turning out more Spy Kids and Harry Potter sequels. We can only nostalgically salute the auteurs for their fierceness.

Sleater-Kinney The Woods

By all accounts, I should have hated this CD. The endless reviews that compared it to Led Zeppelin and Jimi Hendrix should have been enough to turn me off. I hate it when bands rehash old poses. It dilutes music into something predictable; marketable.

And I have always hated the sort of 'rriot grrl' pseudo-feminism from the 90's associated with Sleater Kinney. You know, the whole 'I'm a kickass chick with a guitar so FUCK YOU!' thing so admirably emulated by revolutionaries like Avril Lavigne. (Do I really have to share a sex with these people?)

This CD doesn't give a fuck what I think though and beats me black and blue. It's deliciously heavy and dark, but not callous like most other 'rock' outfits. But really, who's a 'rock' band? I mean, sure you got your hardcore bands, your alternative bands, your neo-new wave bands, but I think all bands and their publicists have decided that plain ol' rock is too boring. They need to do a bit of savvy infomercial-ing to make the kids bite. I sympathize for the poor suckers who are responsible for making bands like Hawthorne Heights seem new and exciting.

The Woods is refreshingly gimmick and pretension free. Which is especially remarkable, regrettably, for a band of girls. No matching outfits, needy puerile lyrics, or any of that other crap. The songs are relentless, atmospheric, sublime, creppy, and maybe most compellingly, cool.

"Rollercoaster" swaggers and stomps its way to heady guitar driven euphoria, and might be my favorite track off the album. In a year where tons of hyped releases sounded unbelievably precious (The Stars, Sufjam Stevens, The Decemberists, etc.) I fell in love too easily with this raw, loud, spine crushing quasi-cacophony.

M83 - Before the Dawn Heals Us

The fun continues with another one of my favorite releases this year, French electronic ex-duo (now one man group) M83's Before the Dawn Heals Us. My giddiness for this album could not even be depleted when I heard one of the album's best songs, "Don't Save Us From the Flames", in a Pontiac commercial. The whole thing is synthy, breathy cotton candy.

I really want to call it emotional, but then I think 'emo', and all those nasty images of myspace.com self portraits. The ones you can tell the kid tried to get perfect for hours, so their hair would fall in their face oh so tortuously so you can, like, see their pain, man.

The album is almost completely electronic, and my guess is that most people don't listen to much electronic music because it can seem cold, distant, and inaccessable. There's something almost less than honest about a recording made from machines. But M83 have this sort of otherworldly aplomb that makes it all a spectacular burst of (completely human) science fiction.

A lot of recent music gets credibility for being ironic or cool or dancy, but M83 kind of toss that all out the window and make something gorgeously genre-less and completely memorable. And, horror of horrors, moving.

The Raveonettes - Pretty in Black

The end of the year and all the warm fuzzy pseudo-nostalgia that comes with it is here. For me at least. Don't get that feeling? Fake it with my favorite cds of the year. I'll post the top ones that pop into my head. Starting with...

The Raveonette's Pretty in Black-

This album is macaroni and cheese for the ears. My favorite band of surfer-rock Swedes Sune Rose Wagner and Sharin Foo released their thrid album this year. To lukewarm reviews. At least the ones I saw. They called the Raveonettes schizophrenic for abondoning their past shtick of making albums in just one key and stabbing boldly skyward with a slew of still retro homages.

The result is a twangy, gorgeous, subtle thing complete with endearing (and non-cheesy, swear-to-god) country ballads like "The Heavens". Surfer/rockabilly hooks abound, but don't hit you over the head. Usually that thing bores me to death. I blame the melodies, I guess. They're not tacky in a sort of brash New Pornographers or Sufjam Stevems way, but they're positively subcutaneous after a listen.

Favorite song? Uncertain Times. It's a cute bit of strumming and reverb coupled with a valiantly woozy guitar line that is unmistakably Raveonettes. Which to me, is something worth spending $12 for when most music is dominated by super hyphenated indie/dance/punk/rock/shit/pop that recycles the same cliches. The Raveonettes dig up old (postively anachronistic) cliches and spit shine from 'used' into 'vintage'.

"Where the kleenex at, man"

songs i'm in love with

Spoon - Car Radio - Why is it that every man,woman and child in America has heard of Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance, and not SPOON?

Fischerspooner - The 15th (Gabriel and Dredsen Remix)- no clue how i found this one. Equal parts banal, hummable, and spacey.

Soulwax - Miserable Girl - If god really hates me, this will end up in an ipod commercial.

Camron - On Fire Tonight - hilarious. and even more so because uh, I can't tell if it's a joke or not.

The Zombies - Tell Her No - adorable. even though it's probably a favorite with the 60+ crowd

Polaris - Hey Sandy - The Pete and Pete themesong! I didn't know Mona's dad was played by Iggy Pop until, uh, yesterday. Now they have it on dvd!http://http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0007Y08LA/qid=1134244630/sr=8-2/ref=pd_bbs_2/102-8926390-4987357?n=507846&s=dvd&v=glance

Arctic Monkeys - Fake Tales of San Fransisco - who ever sings for them was just on the top of NME's cool list. Allthough I don't know how savvy that is. Brandon Flowers was in the top ten. To me they sound like a slinkier Libertines.

Jens Lekmen - Pretty Shoes- this song has the most gorgeous/precious indie pop stomp joined with the most stupid lyrics this side of Wham. (I may not be Tom Cruise/ but I've got a pair of pretty shoes)

Patti Smith - Gloria - a Van Morrison cover I think. Tons of writhing and screaming. I'm tempted to use some stupid adjective like 'raw'.

War - Low Rider- so 70s! The Cowbell! The super-low Barry White-esque voice! You can just see the handlebar moustaches and aviators.

Pulp - Common People. This song never. gets. old.

The Duke Spirit - Red Weather- like The Kills if the Kills were from England.

Booka Shade - Mandarin Girl - A bit of light and breezy flute/synth something with a cute little handclap-like stomp

Roman Flugel - Gehts Noch - a jazzy little bit of techno blipping and rolling to get you through the day

Vitalic - Wooo - i keep checking www.amazon.com, and their cd ok cowboy is still a $34 import. sheesh.

Ellen Allien - Your Body is My Body - so deliciously serious and bizarre. Perfect for blowing out your speakers and letting the bass kick the shit out of you.

Madonna - I Love New York - Madge is back and dumb as ever. There's something almost adorable about lyrics as hopelessly stupid as "I don't like cities but i love New York/ other cities make me feel like a dork". This song comes complete with lame half-jabs at the president- "Just go to Texas/ isn't that where they golf". Ever hate a song so muchthat you like it?

Goldfrapp - Koko - unfortunately i don't think my favorite gothy pop-tart's new cd (Supernature) has been released this side of the atlantic. bummer. The fluxuating synth line and cotton candy vocals are perfect.

Girls Aloud - Models -Usually I shy away from bands assembled via reality shows. But British band Girls Aloud have something... different. Or at least retro. Energy, and not that reguritated regurgitated shit that bogs down most pop acts.

Christmas has this sort of unique hysteria. If you've been anywhere near a store or tv, you've heard all the sales and songs and general tra-la-la-ness. There's this incessant clunking undertone of GIFTS the whole time. It's a bit of capitalistic adrenaline that everyone can feel happy with. It is a religious holiday after all. THANKS, JESUS!

Really, how popular would Christmas be without Santa and Lists and all that other candy striped crap. I love it though. Gifts, too. Anyone who denies it is either a liar or a self-actualized Buddhist, but then, Buddhists don't celebrate Christmas so that gets rid of that. The thing I like about the gifts is that each one offers a bit of honesty. It gives you a tiny little bit of insight into how that person sees you too. A relative giving you money is really saying "I know I have pleasant conversaitons with you about the weather every now and then, and you pretend to be intrested. Take this, and we'll keep the charade up. Thanks."

I think that's why buying gifts causes everyone so much high and holy angst too. What sort of impression do you want to give? Cool, rich, I-really-don't-like-you... And god forbid you tip the scales any way, lest you seem removed, pompous, or cheap, or the person realizes that you actually know nothing about them.

A few hours at the mall today affirmed my suspicions that Chirstmas is a series of sales, blinking lights, awkward enthusiam, and other completely secular events. I love it. Especially Christmas break. I only have a couple more before I have to leave never never teenageland and get a JOB, and all that other hoary adult stuff.

No snowdays either. Nothing is as perfect as realizing that you can have a day off from smiling and handing in and raising your hand with all the right answers dutifully. School. What really terrifies me is the people who nod their heads, embarrassingly sage-like, and say"these are the best years of your life. You just don't know it yet." If these are the best then shoot me and donate my body to science.